.
Respect and pay regards to your friends and never confront each other disrespectfully.5
The Holy Prophet of Islam (S) said: Do not look down upon anyone of the Muslims because even a humble Muslim is great before Allah. (ibid. Indifference towards friends is against courtesy and this wrong attitude shakes the foundation of friendship, creating heartache.
Imam `Ali (a.s.) said: “Do not neglect the right of your brother, trusting the relation between you and him (i.e., thinking that the relationship between you and him is above such requirements) because the person whose right you have neglected, is not your brother.”6
Ignoring the people, or abusing and humiliating them is a condemnable attitude because ridicule and hatred are the two acts which can never win friends. Aristotle said that for preservation of friendship, the friends should recognise status and pay due regard to each other.
If two friends do not recognise and respect each other, there is no possibility of cordial relations and sincere friendship between them. Courtesy costs nothing, but pays a lot. One can achieve through courtesy what one cannot do through gold and silver.
Once a man, named az-Zuhri7, came to the fourth Imam 'Ali ibn al-Husayn (a. s.) with a gloomy face. The Imam asked him the reason of his sadness. az-Zuhri said: "O son of the Messenger of Allah, sorrow and distress are attacking me from all sides. On one hand, the envious people cannot bear my comfort and well-being, and make me sad by their behaviour. On the other hand, the enemies and ill-wishers cause me distress. Above all, the people to whom I had done some good turn and expected friendship and love from them are creating obstacles in my way."
The Imam said: "O az-Zuhri, keep your tongue under control, and do not say whatever comes to your mind, lest you lose your friends and turn them into enemies." az-Zuhri repled, "O son of the Messenger of Allah, I do them a good turn by the words I tell them." The Imam: "It is not so. Resist from saying a thing which the minds of people are not ready to accept." Then the Imam said: "O az-Zuhri, a man whose mind is not mature, may get doomed by even small things."
Thereafter, the Imam gave him a code of conduct, so that by following it he may not get distressed by the behaviour of the people. The Imam told him, "O az-Zuhri, is it really difficult if you deem all Muslims like your family members and dependants. elders like your father, youngsters like your children and contemporaries like your brothers? When you will think about them in these terms, then whom would you like to be unjust to? Whom would you curse? Whom would you want to dishonour? O az-Zuhri, if you think that you are better than a certain person, then discipline yourself in this way. If he is older than you, you should tell yourself: 'He is my senior in Islam and faith and has done more good deeds.' And if he is younger than you, then think in these terms: `He has committed less sins than me.' And if he is of your own age, then say to yourself: `I know my own sins and have no knowledge about his sins.'
The Imam went on to say: "If people respect you, think that it is because of their own generosity, and if they show discourtesy, say that it is because of your own sins. If you follow this code, life will become sweet for you and you will get many friends and the rank of your enemies will decrease. Also do not forget that people show more respect to a man whose benefit reaches more to them and who expects nothing from them."8
The above description is one of the top secrets of social life in Islam with regard to human respect and discharge of duties. There are many Qur'anic injunctions and ahadith (traditions) concerning this subject and some of them are mentioned below.
1. Biharu'1-Anwar, vo16.
2. ar-Rawdah of al-Kafi
3. (a. s.) : is the abbreviation of the Arabic phrase 'alay-hi/ha/himu's-salam (may peace be upon him/her/them).
4. Biharu '1-anwar, vo1.74
5. Biharu '1-anwar, vo1.74
6. Ibid.
7. Muhammad ibn Muslim ibn 'Abdillah ibn Shihab az-Zuhri (58/678 - 124/742), one of the great scholars and narrators of traditions of his time. (ed.)
8. Biharu '1-Anwar, vol. 74.
2. Mercy And Kindness To People
Mercy and kindness occupy an important place in the Islamic social code. The Holy Qur'an narrates the courtesy of the last Prophet (S) in the following words; It is by some mercy of Allah that thou (O Prophet) art gentle to them ; hadst thou been harsh and hard-hearted, they would have scattered from about thee. (3:159)
This Qur'anic verse clarifies that benevolence and kindness of the Holy Prophet (S) to all was one of the reasons of people's attraction towards him.
People are fed up of discourteous and harsh persons and certainly such persons are the victims of their own bad nature. As omission and unwanted errors are part of human nature, the same should be overlooked and retaliation avoided.
The sixth Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a. s.) was asked: "What is the definition of good manners?" The Imam said: "Keeping your wings soft, (i.e., behaving benevolently and courteously), talking sweetly and virtuously and meeting your fellow brethren with a happy and smiling face.1
Imam `Ali (a. s.) in his will to his son, Imam al-Hasan (a.s.) said: Bear yourself towards your brother in such a way that if he disregards kinship you keep to it; when he turns away be kind to him and draw near to him; when he withholds, spend for him; when he goes away approach him; when he is harsh be lenient; when he commits wrong think of (his) excuse for it, so much so as though you are a slave of him and he is the benevolent master over you. But take care that this should not be done inappropriately, and that you should not behave so with an undeserving person.2
Short temperament and engulfing people in flames of anger lead to failure and loss of friends. It is true that evil-doers should be put in their places, but wisdom limits this theory due to the reason that precaution and reform with an iron fist is impossible. The Holy Qur'an says that when Allah sent Moses and his brother to warn Pharaoh, they were advised in these words: And speak gently to him, that perhaps he may be mindful, or perchance fear. (20:44)
Dale Carnagie says: "If you burn into anger and use filthy language, it means you have exhausted yourself. Does your opponent anyhow participate in your task? Will your blunt tone and unwanted attitude facilitate his job and make him your partner? "
Woodrow Wilson says: "If you approach me with a fist, be sure to be replied in the same coin; but if you come to sit together and discuss on even controversial matters, I will sort out the cause of differences and will try to minimize the same immediately. In many cases, the differences were just nominal whereas we agreed on maximum points. Only through rational outlook, sincerity and accommodative attitude, we may patch up differences."
Once while the fourth Imam, `Ali ibn al-Husayn (Zaynu 'l-`Abidin - a.s.) was sitting at his place with people of various school of thoughts, a man entered and out of malice abused the Imam, and then went away. A little after, the Imam spoke with the audience. "Did you witness how this fellow misbehaved and abused me? Now, I want to go to him with you to answer him." Everyone was willing for this job. The associates followed the Imam with the idea that the Imam would certainly put him to task, but were surprised to hear the Imam reciting this Qur'anic verse: . . . The men of piety are those who restrain anger and forgive people, for Allah loves those who do good. (3:134)
They knew that the Imam did not want to take revenge. On reaching his house, they called him. Being sure that the Imam with his party had come for revenge, he came out duly prepared to face the situation. However, unexpectedly, he found the Imam with a smiling face. The Imam told him: "Shortly, you came to me and said this and that. Now I have come just to tell you that if you were right in those words and I really possess the evils pointed out by you, I pray to Allah to forgive me, and to pardon my bad conduct; and if you had told lies and blamed me for things which are not in me, then I pray to Allah to pardon you and forgive your sin." This noble attitude disarmed that man and he apologised to the Imam in these words: "O son of the Messenger of Allah! You do not have any of the evils which I had spoken; instead it is I who deserves all those words." Through this sensible approach, the Imam converted his bitter enemy into his friend and also taught practical lesson of forgiveness to his disciples.
This lesson is a golden addition in the book of society and teachings of Islam and is obligatory on the followers of the Qur'an to adopt this virtue in order to be benefited by its useful fruits.
1. Biharu 'l-Anwar, vol.74.
2. Nahju '1-Balaghah, Commandment no. 31.
3. Humility and Politeness
An important social principle bearing useful fruits and creating popularity is humility and politeness. Politeness not only distinguishes a man but in addition gains popularity for him and makes him beloved in the eyes of people. Arrogance and vanity is the quality which earns dis- affection and disregard from others and sows the seeds of enmity in hearts.
While praising the courteous people, the Holy Qur'an says: And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility and when the ignorant address them, they say, "Peace". (25:63)
The lives of the Holy Prophet (S) and his progeny (Ahlu 'l-Bayt) were also based on these principles. They mixed and assembled with the poor and the suppressed, shared their meals and treated them in a brotherly manner. The Holy Prophet (S) himself reprimanded the arrogant people and taught them the lesson of humility and politeness.
One day when the Holy Prophet (S) was sitting in the mosque and his companions were sitting around him, a poor Muslim wearing old clothes came in and, according to the Islamic custom (that when someone comes to a gathering, he should sit wherever there is a vacant place, without any thought that he should be given a special place according to his supposed status) looked around, found a vacant space, went there and took his seat. Perchance, on his side was a rich man. That rich man apparently did not like a poor man sitting at his side and gathered his robes and pulled himself a little apart from that poor fellow.
The Holy Prophet (S) who was observing this behaviour, asked him: "Were you afraid that some of his poverty would stick to you?" The man replied, "No, O Messenger of Allah!" The Prophet (S) continued, "Were you afraid that some of your riches would go over to him?" "No, O Messenger of Allah!" the rich man replied again. The Prophet (S) asked, "Were you afraid that your clothes would become dirty by his touch?" When again the reply was, "No, O Messenger of Allah!" the Prophet (S) asked, "Then why did you gather yourself up and do injustice to him by pulling yourself away?" The man replied, "O Messenger of Allah! I confess that I committed a sin, and now to correct this mistake and remove this sin, I am ready to offer half of my wealth to this Muslim brother of mine."
Hearing this, the poor man said: "O Messenger of Allah! I am not ready to accept this offer." The Prophet (S) asked why. He replied: "I do not want to become proud and selfish, under the influence of wealth, and to behave one day with one of my Muslim brethren as this man has behaved with me."1
Plato (Aflatun) says: The best way to gain friendship is through humility and politeness. The great thinkers of Islam further elaborate this point.
Arrogance is the enemy of friendship. Anyone having arrogance in mind and vanity in walk casts out his well-wishers and minimizes his friends. On the contrary, the benevolent and polite person attracts friends. The selfish cannot gain friends, because people do not tolerate arrogance.
Muhaddith-e Qummi says: "Selfishness and egotism of people have some outwardly signs: a proud and self-centred man always thinks that he is great while others are little and despised; he does not like to stand on equal level with others; he wants to walk ahead of others, to sit in a higher and distinguished place; he expects others to salute him; if somebody advises him, he becomes angry; and if he advises others he uses harsh language, and if his advice is not accepted he becomes furious; if he teaches he insults his pupils, and treats them as his servants."2
Now see, how can a man having such behavior possibly create friends, or what can people learn from such person. That is why the Qur'an has clearly condemned selfishness and conceit: . . . Is there not in Hell an abode for the haughty? (39:60)
Similar views have also been expressed by the sixth Imam, Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s. ) He stated that there is an abode of excessive torture in Hell reserved for the arrogant people.
The Holy Qur'an narrates the useful teachings of Luqman to his son in which, among other things, he says: And swell not thy cheek (for pride) at men, nor walk in insolence through the earth, for Allah loves not any arrogant boaster. (31:18)
The sixth Imam explains that pride is based on an inferiority complex. He says: No one shows haughtiness and pride but because of some inferiority which he feels in himself.3
After thorough studies on this subject of arrogance, the authorities have endorsed the above ideas and further explained: the sense of superiority in one person or a nation amounts to segregation and hatred of another. Enmity, controversy and present disputes are all the products of this theory of hatred. This way of thinking is actually the result of the false prestige and feeling between himself and the others.
In light of the above facts, humility and politeness are two of the fundamental principles of sociology and as already stated, in Islamic teachings it has been emphasized for the people to avoid conceit and a superiority complex and win the favour of people and pleasure of Allah through politeness.
1. al-Usul al-Kafi.
2. Safinatu '1-Bihar, vo1.2, p.459.
3. al-Usul al -Kafi , vol. 3
4. Fulfilment of Promise
As a natural instinct, man feels committed to discharge his obligations towards others and fulfilment of promises. It is therefore obligatory on the followers of every school of thought to fulfil their commitments and condemn non-fulfilment of promises and breach to trust.
Man is bound to discharge obligations in social life because reliability makes man dependable. In other words, it is one of the noble deeds to honour commitments in every walk of life. Any commitment between two parties must be honoured, no matter whether the contract is small or free of legal bindings.
The Qur'an regards fulfilment of promises as a part of belief and one of the qualities of the believers; The believers are successful, those who humble themselves in their prayers, who refrain from vain talk . . . those who faithfully observe their trusts and their covenants. (23:1-8)
Another Qur'anic verse says; . . . ( Righteous are) those who fulfil the contracts which they have made . . . (2:177)
The Holy Prophet (S) on one occasion said: One who dealt with people and did not do injustice to them; and talked with them and did not tell lies to them; and made a covenant with them and did not break it, such a person is a perfect gentleman; and his probity is known (and accepted) and his brotherhood is worth seeking1.
The fifth Imam, Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) said: There are three things in which Allah has not given any option to anyone (i.e., they are compulsory, nobody can avoid them)
(a) Returning back the trust, whether the principle be pious or debauched;
(b) fulfilling the promise, whether it was made to a good man or evil; and
(c) being good to the parents, whether the parents be pious or not2.
Fulfilment of promises creates reliability and helps organise different facets of life. Indifference and breach of trust leads to disorganisation and even obstruction in functions. Anyone who deviates from the right path, breaks a promise and dishonours his commitments, only creates hatred and enmity in the hearts of others. Breach of trust results in disorganization of society and if allowed to continue leads the nation to doom and destruction.
Unfortunate are the persons who not only dishonour their obligations but adopt the habit of breach of trust and cheating as an inherent part of life. Their actions are a violation of all the moral and ethical codes of life and are injurious to society.
1. Biharu '1-Anwar, vol. 75.
2. al-Usul al-Kafi`, vol. 2.
Conclusion
This was a very short description of the Islamic teachings on the social life of Muslims. Without any doubt, each of the above codes has immeasurable influence on creating and maintaining true friendship. Now, we propose to remind the readers about the social manners of the Holy Prophet of Islam (S), so that we Muslims may try to follow his footsteps.
The Prophet of Islam (S) used to accept invitations of every person, whether he be a free man or slave, rich or poor. If a man came to him with a request, he at once got up to fulfil his need. He always accepted people’s excuses (and forgave the offenders), and he did not take revenge, instead he overlooked the mistakes of others.
Wherever he came face to face with anyone, it was the Prophet (S) who saluted first. He was always patient in face of the enmities of the enemies. He used to sit on the earth, without any shade of pride. If necessary, he himself mended his shoes and clothes. He never showed haughtiness before anyone; he used to visit the sick even if they lived far; he ate with the poor and beggars on one table and used to look after them.
The Prophet (S) never liked any distinguished cloth or food for himself. He used to shake hands with Muslims and gently pressed their hands because of his love for them.
The most liked in his sight was the person who was most helpful to his fellows. His gatherings portrayed forbearance, modesty, patience and trust. He respected the old and was considerate to the young. He was always cheerful and of courteous manner. He was not harsh; he did not hate anyone; he never shouted, nor uttered harsh and unreasonable words even for unbelievers and idol-worshippers. He never shamed or embarrassed people nor interrupted and cut the talk of anyone.
The Prophet (S) would ask about his acquaintances if they were absent. He never stretched his legs before any person. He was very generous to all human beings; loved his relatives and used to look after them.
He was very strict in fulfilling his promises and covenants. If someone talked to him, he listened attentively and while listening he always turned towards the speaker with his whole body.
These are the examples of the character and manner of the Last Prophet of Allah (S), as has been mentioned by historians and traditionalists. Let us hope that all the Muslims will follow his examples and thus lead the world onto the path of moral perfection and sublime humanity.