|
Husband: Metaphorical Lord
It was mentioned in Part Two that the parents are the metaphorical Lords of the children. There is no exception to this rule, so far as boys are concerned. But as for girls, after marriage the parents' Lordship comes to an end and they come under the domain of the husbands.
A woman once asked the Holy Prophet: “O' Messenger of Allah, whose right is the greatest on man?” The Holy Prophet said: “His parents.” Then she asked: “And whose right is the greatest on woman?” He said: “Her husband.”
Once some people told the Holy Prophet “We saw some people bow down before some of their people.” The Holy Prophet said: “If I were to allow any person to bow down before anyone I would have ordered the woman to bow down before her husband.”
Al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: Allah sent a message to the Holy Prophet, “Tell Fatimah (a.s.) not to disobey `Ali (a.s.) because if he was ever displeased (with her) I would be displeased because of his displeasure.”
It was because of this that the Holy Prophet said to Fatimah (a.s.): O' Fatimah, if a woman worshipped Allah seventy thousand years, but died disobeying her husband (and the husband was not pleased with her), she would be amongst the people of Hell.
Obedience Based on Love
We must remember that a rule, based on tyranny or injustice, can never be stable. Therefore, the foundation of the husband's authority has been laid not on fear or awe, but on love. Allah says: And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily, in that are signs for those who reflect. (Qur'an, 30:21)
In this ayah, two words, `love' and `mercy', have been used for the matrimonial love. It points to the subtle difference between the love of woman and man. Woman, generally speaking, loves her husband more intensely. She gives her soul and body to the husband. The word, “love” describes this aspect.
On the other hand, husband's love to his wife is tinted with the natural superiority - there is no “giving up his self” to the wife. Hence the word “mercy”.
Anyhow, this love and obedience are the prelude to fulfil the two important duties mentioned earlier: Management of domestic affairs, and procreation.
Domestic Management
First of all, it is essential that the wife should consider the earnings of her husband (however little or great that may be) better than the whole world.
Then she should try to keep the expenses of the household within that limit. The Holy Prophet said: There is no woman who is happy with the sustenance which Allah has given to her husband and does not demand from him more than his strength, but that Allah will give her seventy thousand clothes in Paradise.
For those who contravene this ethic, the Holy Prophet said: There is no woman who demands from her husband beyond his strength, and is not con-tent with his livelihood - be it little or great - and is not satisfied with the sustenance given her by Allah, and who will be among those whose good deeds are not accepted, but her sins not pardoned, and with whom Allah will remain displeased except that she repents.
It is a fact that many domestic chores very much try the patience. It is for this reason that the Law-giver of Islam has promised eternal blessings in reward of such drudgery. The Holy Prophet said: If, while cooking her food, tears come out from the eyes of the woman because of smoke, Allah will write for her the reward of those warriors (in the way of Allah) whose eyes shed tears from the fear of Allah.
If she has got someone to help her in domestic duties, and, thus, gets some free time, she should not waste that time; instead, that precious time should be spent in useful activities within the boundary of her home. “The best activity of women is spinning; because for every thread she is forgiven one sin and awarded one good deed.”
Her attention has been drawn towards good house-keeping in the following words: “Whosoever woman, in the house of her husband, transfers a thing from one place to another, for a good purpose, Allah looks at her (with mercy), and whosoever Allah looks at with mercy, would never be punished.”
Procreation
The progress of mankind, nay, its very existence depends upon this important function; and almost all of its responsibilities are with the woman.
When a woman is blessed with it, she is in fact discharging her duties towards humanity.
Islam has not overlooked the ever-present travail and pain incurred in this important function. It has promised her great reward and unlimited blessings in recompense for this difficult task. The woman has to pass through four stages in this connection:
(1) Conception;
(2) Delivery;
(3) Suckling;
(4) Good rearing of the children.
According to the Holy Prophet, she gets eternal rewards in all these stages:-
o First stage: When a woman conceives, she (during her pregnancy) is likened to one who is (continuously) fasting, praying, and doing jihad by one's soul and wealth in the way of Allah.
o Second stage: When she delivers, she gets so much reward that it cannot even be imagined because of its greatness!
o Third stage: When she feeds her infant, she gets the reward of emancipating a slave (from the children of Prophet Isma'il, a.s.) at every suckling.
o Fourth stage: Rearing the children - It has already been described in the rights of children.
The following extracts from a hadith must be read carefully: The Holy Prophet said to her daughter Sayyidah Fatimah (a.s.): O' Fatimah, it is incumbent upon woman that she should not bring before her husband, what he does not like; should guard herself as his trust; should be sincere to him in his presence as well as in absence; should cut (the injury of) her tongue (from him) ; should look after him when he needs looking after; should fulfil his requirements and should look after his condition; because her looking towards her husband is an act of worship; and she should not invite anyone to his food except with his permission; and she should remain content with the sustenance given her by Allah; and she should not leave her husband, and if she left him, then neither her prayer, fast nor alms will be accepted (by Allah) until her husband forgives her.
. . . and they (women) have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable, but men have a degree (of advantage) over them, and Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. (Qur'an, 2:228)
This ayah explodes the myth of so-called “slavery of Muslim woman” which is the target of the attacks of many an ignorant western orientalists. It was essential, for the purpose of domestic well-being, to install the man with effective authority over women. “Men have a degree (of advantage) over them” points to this fact. Apart from this, both sides have been accorded well-balanced rights. Each “half” has been given all the necessary rights without any reservation.
As mentioned earlier, according to reason and according to the Islamic shari`ah, the husband is solely responsible for the livelihood of the wife, and in view of this responsibility he has been given an authority which in its turn is based upon love.
It appears from above that all that a woman needs for her peace of mind, spiritual well-being, and material comfort, can be classified under two headings: (1) Sincere love; and (2) Fair maintenance.
If one looks at the long list of the demands of advocates of Liberation of Women, one will find that all those rights which are in conformity with reason are within the circle of these two rights.
Islam has emphatically ordered husbands to let their wives enjoy their rights without any hindrance. The Holy Prophet said: Any woman who makes her husband suffer with her tongue … will be the first to enter Hell; and, likewise, the man if he treats her unjustly.
Love and Good Grace
al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: I am sure the more a man becomes good in this thing (i.e., Faith and Islam), the more his love to (his) women increases.
The ayah: “And He has put Love and Mercy between you” shows that matrimonial love is the Grace of Allah; and the stronger the faith in Allah, the greater this grace of Allah upon the couple.
It is for this reason, that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq said: In the character of the prophets is the love of women.
The Holy Prophet accordingly, said: Let it be known that the best of you is the one who is best for his women. And I am the best for my women.
Likewise, he said: Allah may have mercy on His servant who does good between himself and his wife; because, verily, Allah has given him authority upon her and has made him her protector.
According to the Islamic shari `ah, it is highly emphasized that a man should enter his home with smiling face. The home may become paradise if this rule is followed consciously, In the section 25 it was mentioned that the “most honoured woman” is the one who is obedient to her husband. The above-mentioned ahadith show that the “best man” is the one who treats his wife gently and with good grace. In other words, these ahadith fully explain the ayah.
And women have rights similar to the rights upon them. (Qur'an, 2:228)
Right of Maintenance
In many ayat in the Qur'an, Allah has exhorted man to treat his wife gently. Apart from the above-mentioned ayat , another ayah says: . . . And live with them (women) with kindness and equity . . . (Qur'an, 4:19)
“Good treatment” according to the ahadith means that the wife should be provided, as far as possible, the same standard of living which she had in the house of her parents; so that she does not face material discomfort and mental depression.
But if the husband, because of his limited resources, is unable to provide that standard, he is not to be blamed.
. . . On the wealthy according to his means; and on the poor according to his means . . . (Qur'an, 2:236)
Al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: The dependants of a man are his prisoners. And the most beloved servant in presence of Allah is the one who is the best in treating his prisoners.
Likewise, al-Imam Musa al-Kazim (a. s.) said: The dependants of a man are his prisoners. So, if Allah bestows someone with His blessings, he should increase the expenses on his prisoners; and if he did not do so, then that blessing is likely to perish.
According to the shari `ah, maintenance of the wife is in exchange for her obedience. If she does not deny the husband his conjugal rights, she is entitled to her maintenance. If the husband, because of his financial difficulties, defaults in its provision, he remains indebted to that amount; and must repay soon after getting money etc. In short, the maintenance of - the wife is based on a “give and take” basis, and man has to pay it any-how. al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: “Cursed is the man who neglects his dependants.”
Forbearance
As was mentioned earlier, women's feelings dominate their intellect. If a girl is not brought up properly according to Islamic ethics, she is apt to become hot-tempered and sharp-tongued.
On the other hand, a man is not so dominated by emotions. Therefore, Islam has enjoined man to have patience and forbearance in the face of woman's temper. A man must be tolerant to his wife, keeping in view her natural weakness and remembering that she by nature is governed by emotions.
Allah says: . . . And live with them (women) on a footing of kindness and equity; and even if ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah created in it a great deal of good. (Qur'an, 4:19)
There is no denying that it is a very tough assignment and sometimes needs a lot of patience. Allah says in the Qur'an:
And there are men who say: “Our Lord! give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire.” (Qur'an, 2: 201)
Among several explanations of this ayah, Amir al-mu'minin, `Ali (a. s.) said: Good in this world means a good-natured wife, good in the Hereafter means `huru'l-'in', `torment of the Fire' means a `bad wife.'[7][5]
To say that a bad-natured, hot-tempered wife is the torment of the Fire presents the reality in the best possible way. But we should always keep these ahadith (traditions) in view: Verily, Ibrahim (a.s.) complained to Allah against the temper of (his wife) Sarah. Then, Allah sent a message to him telling him that “Verily, the likeness of woman is likeness of a rib; if you straightened it, it would break; and if you left it as it is you will benefit from it.”
In short, many ayat of the Qur'an and many ahadith exhort the married couple to strengthen the bond of mutual love and affection as long as they are linked together in matrimonial bond, even if it means self-denial and extraordinary patience. And it is by following this principle that human beings may enjoy the peace in this world and happiness in the life hereafter.
Misunderstandings and Conflicts
Islam is aware that philosophical theories alone do not pave the road to a better life. It is the practical laws and codes which bring the peace in a household. Ethical sermons can be of no benefit to common man if they are not firmly based on common-sense and are not within his easy grasp.
The ideal of Islamic marriage is one in which both parties have mutual love and respect and each consciously honours the rights of the other.
But this world is not made of only pious and understanding people. There are many hard-hearted men and women in this world; they do not care for the damage done to Islamic society by their misbehaviour and their flaunting the ideals of the Islamic shari `ah. Therefore, it was necessary to frame some rules to correct their behaviour.
Why Conflicts?
The main cause of the conflict is the negligence of one's duties towards the other.
This negligence can be either from the husband's side, or from the wife's side, or from both sides.
Islam has laid down clear rules for each of these situations.
When the Wife is at fault
If the wife neglects her duties and gives trouble to the husband, then, three cures have been prescribed step by step. Allah says in the Qur'an
. . . And as to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them, and (then) refuse to share their beds, and (lastly) beat them. Then, if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is Most High Great. (Qur'an, 4:34)
First Step: First the husband should admonish the wife and advise her to change her behaviour. In the beginning, advice and mutual discussion may bear good fruits, while tough measure may create an undesirable reaction.
Second Step: If this fails, then it means that the malady has taken a deeper root. Therefore, the husband should leave her in her bed. This silent protest may bring the wife to her senses; and the cause of conflict may be removed.
Third Step: But, if her arrogance has reached the furthest limit, and she is oblivious of admonition and that subtle protest, then the `soft' treatment will not be of any use. In this extremity, the husband is allowed to beat her. If good-manners fail to awake her gentle feelings, the alternative is `tough' dealing.
But that `tough' dealing also must be tempered with tenderness. al-Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) said: “Verily, it is a stroke with a tooth stick.” The shar`ah says that the blow should not be such as to break a bone or to leave red marks or bruises, nor is he allowed to hit her on her face, nor in another place several times.
If these cures remove the cause of complaint, the husband should at once start gentle and fair dealing with her. The last sentence of the above mentioned ayah points to this aspect: “Then, if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).”
When the Husband is at fault
If, on the other hand, the husband is at fault and neglects his duties towards his wife, then she, at first, should try to bring a reconcilement with him.
And if a wife fears cruelty or negligence on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable reconcilement between themselves; and the reconcilement is best . . . (Qur'an, 4:128)
If this method fails, then she has a right to put the matter before Hakim ash-Shar`i (the Qadi or mujtahid) who has every authority to settle the dispute according to his discretion.
When both are at fault
If both neglect their duties towards each other, then there is a need of some helping hands to end the conflict. Therefore, Allah has ordained: And if ye fear a breach between the two, then appoint two arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for reconcilement and peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation , for Allah is Omniscient All-knowing. (Qur'an, 4:35)
This arbitration may be resorted to even in the first two situations when only one party is at fault.
Separation
Some discords become very complicated and defy all solutions, and family-life becomes extremely intolerable. In such cases, only two alternatives remain:
1. to leave the couple in the same condition, which in the words of the Qur'an is: “The torment of the Fire;”
2. to release them from the bond of marriage, so that each can find another suitable life-partner.
Common sense prefers the second alternative; and Islam has adopted the same.
Christianity prefers the first alternative, i. e., to compel the couple to remain as man and wife even if they intensely hate each other. It is based upon the following alleged words of Christ: It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement. But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery: (Mathew, 5:31 -32).
Let human nature decide whether it is only the fornication which pollutes the matrimonial atmosphere ? Does not hot temper or flaunting each other's rights create equally intense discord? Is not negligence in maintenance, disloyalty, desertion, or disobedience enough to turn the home into a Hell?
It is necessary here to emphasize in so many words the wisdom of divorce in many cases, as allowed by Islam. Suffice it to say that now even the followers of those religions which do not allow divorce are resorting to parliaments to establish “divorce” in their countries' legal systems, some-times in face of fierce opposition from their churches and religions.
The Hindu religion does not recognize divorce; Hindus a few years ago made divorce a part of their legal system through the “Hindu Code Bill”.
The Anglican church is opposed to divorce; Anglicans through an Act of Parliament (of which all the Bishops are members) have allowed them selves to be divorced by the courts. And here is an interesting side-light. The sovereign is the Head of the Anglican church; and as such is supposed to uphold the theory of illegality of divorce.
And the same sovereign, in his/her capacity of Head of State, signs the Acts of Parliament legalizing divorce.
Why could not King Edward VIII marry a divorcee, while at the same time hundreds of thousands of his subjects were getting divorce under his own authority? Does it mean that Christians have two sets of rules: one for great people, another for the common folk?
The Roman Catholic church also is fanatically opposed to divorce. But compelled by the hard facts of life they have found a method to dissolve the marriage, without calling it “divorce”. If some-one has the patience of `Job' (Ayyub) and the money of Qarun, he can obtain, after several years' pleading, a decree from the Vatican, declaring that the marriage was null and void from the very beginning.
Ingenious, is not it? The only difficulty is that it can be obtained by wealthy tycoons only. “In recent years, Pope Paul VI has streamlined the cumbersome process . . . that could drag a case out for as long as twenty years. But despite the Vatican's attempts to limit legal fees, costs at the Rota remained high, sometimes running into thousand of dollars and making annulments available mainly to the prosperous.”[8][6]
And if the marriage was not a marriage from the beginning, what is the status of the children of that marriage? Are they also illegitimate?
Italy, under pressure from the Vatican, had resisted the popular demand of legalizing the divorce. Now, there also, an Act has been passed and has become Law.
As soon as the act became law thousands of people applied for divorce, most of whom had been separated from their spouses for twenty or even thirty years.
So much suffering can be caused to humanity by such doctrines. And not only suffering but also encouragement for frustrated people to indulge in sins. Can a couple, separated for twenty or thirty years, remain chaste? Surely, they will find partners to satisfy their natural urges - unlawfully, of course.
Talaq, Khul`, Mubarat
As separation is the result of irreconcilable discord, it may be of the same three types which were mentioned in section 34.
1. Talaq: This is usually translated as 'divorce'. When the husband is fed up with the misbehaviour of the wife and wants to dissolve the marriage, it is called “talaq ” in Islamic terminology.
O' Prophet, when ye do divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods and count (accurately). . . (Qur'an, 65:1)
2. Khul`: If the wife is suffering from the ill-treatment of the husband and wants to get free from him by offering some indemnity, it is called “khul”'; . . . If ye do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no blame on either of them if she gives something for her freedom . . . (Qur'an, 2;229)
3. Mubarat: If both are tired of each other, and want to dissolve the marriage, it is called “Mubarat”: And if they disagree (and must part) Allah will provide abundance for all from His All-reaching bounty . . . (Qur'an, 4:130)
Thus all three ways of dissolving the marriage are allowed in Islam.
But in all these cases, marriage can be dissolved by the husband's consent only. He has the authority to perform talaq, khul` or mubarat.
Again, advocates of the “equality of sexes” will frown on this provision. Therefore, it is better to mention that in Western countries where the woman has been given the right to divorce her husband, 80% of the applications of divorce are lodged by wives. And, many is the husband who only comes to know that his wife had divorced him when she is already married to another man.
As has been mentioned earlier, the outlook of woman is dominated by emotion; and if they are given the right to dissolve the marriage, they are more likely to think of divorce on the slightest of pretexts.
The Qur'an reproves the `People of Book' that they believe in certain parts of the Book and reject other parts. It is their tendency from the very beginning. Faced with the difficulties created by Christian doctrine, they turned towards Islam to borrow a leaf from its shari `ah, and adopted the principle of divorce. But the deep-rooted prejudice against Islam prevented them from adopting it with all its necessary details. Divorce was adopted, but details were ignored.
Result?
In California, 2,000 marriages were performed in one year; and within same period 641 divorces were granted. In other words there was one divorce against every three marriages.
This abundance of divorce in Christian societies may also be a reaction to the unreasonable restraint of Christian churches.
Conditions of Divorce
Islam allowed in principle dissolution of marriage in all three situations of discord; and thus satisfied human nature. But, at the same time, it has imposed so many conditions that divorce be-comes hard to perform. For example, the husband must be adult and sane, should give divorce by his own free will and intention; it must be done in approved formula, before two men of approved probity; the wife must be free from menses etc., and the couple should not have cohabited after her last menses.
After divorce, a period of three months ” `iddah ” was prescribed; may be the parties feel remorse on separation and are ready to restore the marriage ties again. If so, then the divorce may be revoked and the marriage continues.
Another benefit of this rule is to make sure that the woman is not pregnant from her previous husband.
Divorce: The most disliked permission
Together with these conditions, it has been emphasized that the divorce is very much disliked by Allah and His Prophet.
The Holy Prophet said: The worst of all permitted things is divorce.
The Holy Prophet also said: Gabriel advised me about (gentle dealings with) the women, so much so that I thought that she should not be divorced except be-cause of open unchastity.
Here the Holy Prophet is saying the same thing which is attributed to Christ in Mathew. But see the difference in language and then compare the results of these two sayings. Injil put un-necessary burden on human nature, and as a result, its followers flouted its ruling and indulged in unbridled lawlessness. Islam allowed divorce, but showed its displeasure with it, relying on human feelings to keep its use to the minimum. The result is that in Islamic society divorce is a rare thing; and a Muslim's domestic life is so secured that non-Muslims cannot imagine it.
Notes:
[9][3] Bihar al-anwar, Vol.10.
|
